Cops And Robbers
by The-Lady-Smaell
Summary: Present request for 'Blue-Iceland.' Iruka, chuunin of Konoha, gets a mission to help Kakashi, a lazy perverted police detective from another country to solve one of the mysterious charka-induced /which Kakashi has never believed in the first place/ cases
1. Enter Umino Iruka: Super Secret Mission

A/N: This is the fic request Blue-Iceland won after being reviewer number 50 for Human Nature. Er... where to start.... Well here is what she asked for:

**Iruka, chunnin of Konoha, gets a mission to help Kakashi, a lazy perverted police detective from outer country to solve one of the mysterious charka-induced (which Kakashi has never believed in the first place) case in his country.**

Kink : KakaIru (Not IruKaka plz)! Detective!Kakashi fought with pistols/any modern facilities against chakra-using enemies and win. Teasing Kakashi and adorable when angry Iruka. Angry!Sex. Happy ending.

You can make it Crack/Angst/IC as possible, it's up to you. =D (Single/multiple chapters and the rating is up to you as well, ;) )

So yeah... interesting ^_^ It was originally from the KakaIru LJ community and no-one picked it up, so Izky asked me to give it a shot. Here is the result of my madness.

Warnings: AU, total OOCness, smut, language, brain scarring mental images, genin beating, OC bashing, more smut, crude cracky humour and bad cop movie references..... Soooo in other words complete and utter insanity. ^_^

Dis: I do not own any of the Naruto characters, I just like to torture them for my own perverse amusement.

Rating: M (It's me duh, do I write anything else?)

Cops and Robbers.

Prologue: Enter Umino Iruka! Super Secret Mission!

"You wished to speak with me Hokage-sama?"

Behind her desk Tsunade looked up with distinct unease on her face, her normal neat blonde hair looked rumpled and dishevelled as though someone had tried to pull it out from the roots. A small if somewhat strained smile flittered across her deceptively youthful features and she motioned for the shinobi to sit down.

"Yes I did Iruka-Sensei, sit down please." The voice was calm, but hoarse.

Across the room Iruka shuddered, he had a bad feeling about this. The hoarseness of his leader's voice meant one of two things. One: She had been up all night on the sake, which meant there was a shed load of paperwork waiting for him. Two: She had been up all night shouting about something and was about to not only get a paperwork overload but a massive migraine as well. Great, just great a _marvellous_ end to a _marvellous _day. With a defeated shrug he moved toward the chair and promptly plopped himself down in it with all the grace of an elephant, flicking a few stray strands of mahogany hair out of his face. Making himself comfortable he levelled the Hokage with a look that said 'This better be worth my time or no sake for a month.'

Tsunade inwardly chuckled at the look suddenly understanding why scores of pre-genin and Jounin held unflinching respect for the man.... Well his wrath at least, that was almost as legendary as her. The moment of good humour was spoiled however when she remembered the reason as to why the tanned sensei had been called before her. This was not going to be pretty.

"I have a mission for you."

Iruka blinked in surprise, he was _never_ sent out on missions anymore. Not since that incident in stone with the mountain lion, vestal virgins and peanut butter or had it been that time with the diplomats and the exploding tags? Either way they were both stories for another time. Surely the Hokage knew about all this? He attempted to conjured up an eloquent response.

"Hn."

Yeah real eloquent, nice one Iruka.

Tsunade ignored the grunt and continued to brief the man, mentally bracing herself for a burst f Umino's infamous temper.

"We have received a mission request from the London police force*. They say there have been a number of unusual crimes there recently with unexplainable elements."

Iruka nodded along in understanding, so what did that have to do with him? Surely Tsunade couldn't be thinking about sending him to London, could she?

The Hokage continued "There has been no distinct pattern to the crimes but there has been only a single lead. One of the security guards got a brief look at one of the assailants."

Tsunade stood up and leaned across the table fairly shoving her ample bosoms in the sensei's face, file in hand. The brunette ignored the rather generous view and snatched the file from her hand scanning the mission parameters, with a bored look on his face.

'Okay random crimes in London. Good job he could speak decent English by the sounds of this they seem to be using chakra and not very discreetly.'

His dark eyes wandered over the rest of the page taking in small details, trying to find the clue as to why he was being assigned this mission. He lingered over the description of the assailant. Across the desk Tsunade gripped the arms of her chair.

'Here we go.' She thought regretfully.

Iruka's eyes narrowed as he read the description again, his face pulling into a snarl as he reread it a second time. By the time he'd finished the third read a vein was popping in his forehead, he looked ready to explode.

He did.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS NARUTO DOING IN LONDON?!"

The blonde woman unfurled her fingers from the arms and lent her elbows on the desk, she levelled Iruka with a look.

"He and his team were sent there on an exchange program with Mizuki-sensei** so they could and I quote 'Expand their cultural horizons.'"

"WIDENEING THEIR CULTURAL HORIZONS!"

The tan man absolutely seethed "What the hell were you thinking!! No disrespect Hokage-sama but sending team seven to a foreign country with _their_ reputation for chaos was complete and utter fucking insanity!"

Tsunade shrugged nonchalantly "They needed the break and I though Mizuki could handle them."

Iruka's eyebrow twitched dangerously "Handle it? No offence once again Hokage-sama but Mizuki can just about handle eating lunch never mind a dysfunctional group of hyperactive genin."

The Hokage gave a snort of laughter. "I knew I'd picked the right man for this mission. You're one of the few people the brat listens to"

Iruka just rolled his eyes in a 'yeah right' gesture. "So what are your orders Hokage-sama?"

"Umino Iruka you are to go London and assist the police with their investigation. As soon as you have a fixed lead on the brat's location and have confirmed what the fuck is going on you are to grab the team and run like hell. Have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal Hokage-sama."

"Right now get out of my sight, you leave in an hour."

Iruka shrugged and rose from his seat dossier in hand walking out the office at a brisk pace. As the door closed shut Tsunade breathed a sigh of relief that had gone better than she had anticipated. Giving herself a pat on the back she reached into her drawer and went to pull out her secret stash of sake, only to find nothing. She frowned and began scrabbling through the drawer and still she found nothing, nothing except a note.

'**Naughty Hokage-sama. No sake till I get back. UI."**

Tsunade gaped, when had he....

Angry chakra filled the room and the hidden ANBU promptly popped out of the way, knowing a warning when they got one.

A scream of pure fury echoed across the village hidden in the leaves.

Umino Iruka chuckled evilly and everything was right with the world.

~End Prologue~

*- I though London would be a good location it's very multicultural (plus I kinda know about the UK police force since I'm British. I would have had to do A LOT of research otherwise.)

**- This is AU remember and well I needed a scapegoat. Who better than baka-Mizuki ^_^

A/N: Sorry I know it's short. Reviews/ feedback is very much appreciated

**Next Chapter: Horrors and hiccups in Heathrow.**


	2. Horrors and Hiccups in Heathrow

A/N: * Hand twitches violently* Grrr... *people flee* Okay so I may want to cut someone's spleen out with my security key. I'm hoping all this rage will help me get into character for this chapter...

Anywho *Smiles*. I have been just overwhelmed by the support for this... Seriously I cannot express enough thanks to everyone who has reviewed; fav'd and alerted this story. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I am also going to apologise in advance because I am not the most _regular_ of updaters. I will try my best though!

Oh I am also aware that I didn't _really_ go into all that much detail about Iruka's mission. It will be explained more in depth throughout the upcoming chapters... and if anyone wants to put in their two cents about what I should add to it feel free. ^_^

Enough ranting on with the show.

Chapter One: Horrors and Hiccups in Heathrow.

As Iruka stepped down from the metal stairs onto the tarmac, he just about resisted the urge to fall to his knees and kiss the _wonderful, beautiful_ solid ground. Instead the brunette opted for a deep throated growl and a few choice curse words. If he had known that flying in coach would be so fucking awful he would have told the Hokage to shove this assignment up her wrinkly ass. She probably planned this as revenge for the stunt with the sake. Iruka's eyes narrowed in annoyance and he took a deep steadying breath trying to calm his frazzled nerves.

He was ninja for god's sake.

A fucking _ninja._

He'd been through worse missions than this.

But that flight had drained him more than any A class mission he had done before. Iruka shuddered as the cause of his discomfort came down the stairs. Behind him a large and rather... well moose like woman ambled down the stairs, the metal creaking under her immense girth. Upon seeing the teacher she smiled what Iruka could only guess as warmly a slight blush crossing her features, distorting them into a grotesque visage. The teacher repressed the second shudder threatening to wrack his body and fairly fled the runway. His hasty escape was hindered however by one of the air hostesses, who decided that she wasn't exactly in a hurry and had blocked up the entirety of the passageway chatting to one of her friends.

Damn the moose was catching up on him.

Damn the hostess wasn't moving any quicker.

Damn Fuck Shit Cocksucking DAMN!

Iruka cursed his ingrained politeness, he knew if he was a real bastard he would just barge past the two simpering hostess's. He growled under his breath.

"Ah Mr Umino, how nice to see you again." The prim English voice cooed behind him.

The brunette froze as the hulking mass sidled up behind him; he turned a strained smile on his face.

"Ah Mrs Thomson..."

Iruka squeaked as he felt a rather large hand pinch his backside. Wide brown eyes gazed out in horror and Iruka slowly backed away from the woman. The moose wasn't apparently taking the hint and continued her advance. Fuck politeness he was desperate and desperate times called for desperate measures. Without a thought he barged passed the two hostesses and practically ran down the corridor, knocking into several other passengers on the way past. Iruka offered a small sorry and continued running; behind him Mrs Thompson just looked confused.

"Was it something I said..?"

After five minutes of fleeing Iruka came to a halt and took a shaky breath.

That had been downright horrifying.

It was bad enough that the monstrosity had draped herself all over him during the flight (How he'd survived and not murdered the woman was still a profound mystery indeed) She had to go and... MOLEST him in the middle of the fucking airport. Ignoring the sick feeling in his gut at the thought the brunette started moving again, this was exactly the reason he had swore off women. They were all totally insane. The sooner he got out of this place, the sooner he finished his mission. And the sooner he finished his mission the sooner he could get back to Konoha and freaking charge a whole bomb to Tsunade's and Mizuki's accounts for the fucking therapy he was going to need after this.

Half an hour and several close calls later Iruka finally arrived at the baggage carousel. He had timed his runs perfectly and had just seen the current bane of his existence (they varied depending on mood, stress level and day of the week. Today was Thursday so the moose had replaced Genma.) move toward the arrivals lounge. Heaving a sigh of relief he strode confidently toward the carousel and smoothed out his rumpled clothing, suddenly regretting hiding in one of the air ducts. It had played havoc on his civilian clothing but that was the least of his worries at the moment. Iruka could sort out his wardrobe when he got out of here.

The bags whirled round and round and Iruka found himself getting impatient, just where was his bloody luggage? Honestly it couldn't take civilians _this_ long to unload a plane? Iruka's foot began to tap a sure sign of his annoyance and an omen of impending doom for the idiots who were taking so long. Not that they would know that after all, all these people saw before them was a slightly disgruntled Japanese man. They didn't know how wrong they were

Eventually the bags whittled down and soon the carousel was empty.

The vein began to tick in the shinobi's forehead; this had to be some kind of fucking joke. Clutching his hand luggage in an almost painful grip Iruka stalked to the help desk a pained smile crossing his features. The attendant behind the counter swallowed nervously, his self preservation instinct kicking in.

"May I help you sir?" he asked a little unnerved.

Iruka's smile turned a little bit more sinister "I believe you can. Would you be able to tell me just where the hell my luggage is?" his voice was quiet and polite but the look in his eyes was frightening.

The attendant (who Iruka mentally named Bob because he truly just couldn't be arsed looking at his name tag and Bob does seem like such a British name doesn't it?) blanched under the terrifying look, feeling all of ten years old. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and muttered something under his breath.

"What was that?" The brunette reprimanded, turning up the sensei death aura to maximum.

"I said yes sir." Bob replied totally abashed.

"Well that's marvellous."

Bob shuddered at the happy tone, not missing the dark undertones laden in the man's voice. He knew he should have called in sick today, no pay cheque was worth almost being made to pee yourself in fright because of some half deranged Japanese man with some form of complex. Taking a few calming breaths Bob dared to look up at the man standing on the other side of his desk.

"So sir if you would like to give me your baggage ticket I can find out where about it's got to."

Iruka silently handed over his ticket and Bob punched the numbers into the computer. The young attendant was feverently hoping for good news, because he really thought he was going to die if it was bad. There was something about the man that screamed 'I can kill you in about ten different ways before you blink.' Bob shuddered at the though and focused his attention back on the computer which was still siphoning through the database.

After a few agonising minutes the monitor blipped up its answer.

Bob paled a few more shades.

Iruka's grin turned into a sadistic grimace.

"So..." The brunette asked sheer frustration colouring his voice.

"Er..."

"Yes..." Spoken through ground teeth.

"itsinaustralia..."

"Pardon?"

Bob took a deep breath and closed his eyes "It's um... In Australia sir..."

The attendant felt the fury rolling off the other man in waves. He couldn't quite understand who such a seeming innocuous looking man could be so damn fucking crazy. But hey life threw you for a loop every now and then; it was a hazard of the job. Finger poised on the security call button, Bob waited for the man to explode.

It never came.

In a remarkable show of self-restraint Iruka had managed to reign in his impending tantrum at least for the moment. It looked as if those anger management classes Tsunade had forced him on after traumatising one too many Jounin's were finally beginning to pay off. He took a deep breath and forced the blood from his cheeks. Now was not a time to get riled up, after all this was not Bob's fault he was just the unlucky sap who had to deal with it. He would find someone to vent o later but for now he had to think clearly, without emotion, like a real shinobi. Iruka snorted mentally at the thought, since when had he _ever_ done things properly?

Bob seemed more traumatised by the show of restraint than he would have dealing with an enraged passenger. Angry people he was used to, anger he could deal with. But this, this was downright fucking scary he wanted this man gone and gone now.

"Sir...?"

Iruka just smiled and it creeped the attendant out more than the half deranged ones he had been receiving minutes before.

"Australia you say? Well isn't that a pain." The brunette replied cocking his head slightly.

Bob nodded dumbly before being able to find his voice again. "Er.. Yes sir. It will take a few days to get here."

"Don't bother, just have it sent back to Japan. I don't plan on being here too long." The sickeningly sweet stayed affixed the tanned man's face.

"As you wish sir." Bob punched the request through and breathed a genuine sigh of relief as Iruka turned and walked away from the help desk. "Fucking foreigners." He muttered wiping his brow, which was drenched in a cold sweat "Crazy the lot of 'em."

As Iruka walked away he began to grin evilly, there was nothing like using your anger constructively and now he had a plan to do so. Tsunade was going to regret giving him no limits expenses account, he was going to make sure of that.

~Chapter One End~

A/N: Gah I fucking suck. Sorry this chapter is so freaking pants the plot bunnies that were hovering around decided to do one and go and make little plot bunnies elsewhere. EVIL PLOT BUNNIES FORSAKING ME. Well next chapter sorta sees the introduction of Kakashi oh and some smut. YAY!

Anywho next time on Cops and Robbers: 'Alcohol although good for the soul is bad for sanity'


	3. Alcohol although good for the soul

A/N: Wow it's really been a while hasn't it... Er sorry ^_^ I blame Boris my plot bunny. He just wasn't playing ball with this fic, but after much bribing with toblerone he finally decided to inspire. So yeah... where was I up to... Oh right... SMUT! Thar be smut in this chapter because I need a smut blow out lol!

Warnings: As if the authors note didn't give it away **SMUT glorious, glorious SMUT!** Drunken shenanigans and random insanity.

To my anon reviewers:

**Skie89**: Thank you ^_^ I'm glad you like the idea. I hope I have been able to provide in this chapter

Chapter Two: Alcohol although good for the soul is bad for the sanity.

Three hours later found Iruka sitting in some random bar in the middle of Soho. The music was pumping loudly through ridiculously oversized speakers, which had the brunette wondering if the club owner was compensating for something. But if Iruka was perfectly honest he really didn't care at that precise moment in time, in fact the only thing he cared about was the double Jack and coke (his sixth) stood in front of him. He downed the drink in one go and motioned to the bar-man for another. The bar-man looked at him with slightly worried but complied bringing another glass over and setting it down in front of him.

Iruka sighed in contentment as he shook the glass, causing the ice to tinkle gently. Although the mission so far had been a complete pile of shit (the flight, his luggage, his 'escort' conveniently not turning up) there was nothing like drowning your sorrows in a shitload of alcohol and to hell with everything until tomorrow. The haze of drunken oblivion was beginning to settle over the brunette and Iruka welcomed it with open arms, the less he remembered about the day in general the happier he was going to be.

Time seemed to crawl by, the club became busier and louder and people were crammed into every available space. Iruka watched on with the amusement reserved for the completely smashed as the bodies ground up against one another, the odd man getting slapped for pushing a little too far. Sipping his drink he barely noticed as someone approached him until the hot breath was breathing down his earlobe.

"Hey there gorgeous."

Glazed brown eyes widened and Iruka turned his head to the left, almost colliding with the owner of the voice. Stood beside him was a man in his early thirties, dark hair, dark eyes and skin tone a few shades darker than Iruka's own. He appeared to be quite handsome but that could have been the alcohol talking, Iruka furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, was it the alcohol talking? The man took his silence as encouragement and slipped a hand around Iruka's shoulder.

"Let me buy you a drink."

"Uh..." Iruka mentally commended himself on his eloquence.

"Bar-man two drinks please."

The brunette knew deep in the recesses of his mind that this was a bad idea, scratch that, it was a colossally bad idea to end all bad ideas. But his drink addled brain had heard the offer of free booze and decided to ignore all the warning signs. The bar-man approached glasses in hand and handed them to the man, who handed over a twenty pound note motioning for the bar-man to keep the change. Iruka took the pro-offered drink and downed it quickly beside him the dark skin man just grinned and ordered another. This time however the man palmed a pill and handed it to the bar-man as he paid twice as much as he needed to. The bar-man nodded solemnly and dropped the small white object into Iruka's glass where it fizzed briefly and disintegrated before handing it to the unscrupulous man. The brunette stared at the glass as it was handed to him and looked surprised as the man raised his own in a toast.

"To new friends."

Iruka snorted "To a fucking shitty day."

The man laughed and raised his glass to his lips taking a long swig, Iruka followed suit but as he was about to take a mouthful, a pale hand covered the top of the glass and pushed it out of his hand. The glass fell to the floor with a barely noticeable smash and Iruka felt his anger begin to swirl. Couldn't he even get pissed in peace? He turned to face his accoster ready to unload on the stranger and stopped dead in his tracks.

The man was gorgeous.

Actually forget that the man was _fucking_ gorgeous and Iruka was convinced it wasn't beer goggles. The man in front of him was wiry built with all muscle, clear pale skin, gravity defying silver hair, and a ruggedly handsome face. But the thing that caught Iruka's attention the most was the man's eyes; he had a scar running over his left eye which unlike his other stormy coloured eye was a deep crimson with a split pupil. It was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. The contemplation was rudely interrupted as the dark haired man rounded on the newcomer, venom flashing in his eyes.

"What the hell do you think you are doing!" He snarled.

The silver haired man looked bored and took his time in answering the accusation.

"I believe I was knocking a drink out of his hand."

There was a growl from the other man and Iruka just continued to stare dumbfounded.

"You stupid idiot can't you see that he's with me!" The man moved behind the brunette and placed a possessive hand around his waist.

A silver brow rose "Really, I had no idea." His voice was laden with sarcasm "However I'm quite sure the gentleman prefers his drinks un-spiked."

Iruka's eyes went wide at the last comment and then narrowed angrily; he swivelled in the man's grasped and levelled him with his most deadly look. The dark skinned man shifted uncomfortably under the intense stare and swiftly removed his hand, for fear it may be torn off.

"H-he's lying, I-I would never..."

"If you're not lying then why are you stuttering?" Iruka demanded, sobriety suddenly hitting him.

"I-I-I..."

The next few minutes appeared to happen in slow motion, Iruka drew back his fist and slammed it into the dark skinned mans cheek bone sending him flying into the throng of bodies crowding the dance floor. The man crashed into what appeared to be a woman at first glance but as 'she' turned around it was quite obvious that 'she' was a 'he'. The front of 'his' dress was darkly stained with alcohol and there was angry look in 'his' eyes. With a screech that would put an Amazon the shame the drag queen launched himself at the dazed man and proceeded to pummel seven shades of shit out of him. The dance floor erupted into chaos as left and right people were drawn into the fight, within a few moments it seemed as though the whole room was involved in the brawl. Happy with the chaos he had wrought Iruka leaned back against the bar and watched the brawl suddenly feeling right at home. It reminded him of Konoha on a Saturday night.

Beside him the silver haired man looked on in amusement as the bouncers tried to step in. He turned to the brunette a smile across his face.

"Hmm... not bad."

Iruka grinned "I try, I try. Jackass deserved it though."

"True... However I think it's time we should be leaving."

"We? Leaving?"

The silver haired man pointed down the bar where the bar-man was chatting with two rather burly looking bouncers. The server pointed directly at the two men and the bouncers started toward them, alarmed Iruka looked for an exit but in the unfamiliar surroundings and inebriated state he was screwed.

_Royally_ screwed.

Goddamn it not being able to use jutsu, this is exactly what they were made for!

He was roused from his blurry mind state as a cool hand clamped over his wrist, he turned to the silver haired man confusion etched on his face.

"Follow me." He commanded.

Iruka didn't even fight as the stranger pulled him toward an exit.

The two men ran through the back corridors of the club and Iruka resisted the urge to laugh like a maniac. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had this much fun, it really had been far too long since he'd cut loose. Maybe this mission wouldn't be completely sucky after all. Ahead of him the silver haired man crashed through a heavy door and out into the open night. The cool air hit Iruka's skin and made his head swim as he collided into the back of his helper sending them both tumbling into the wall of the alley. The silver haired man hissed as the air was forced out of his lungs as Iruka's sluggish body leaned against him.

"You're heavy." Was all he grunted out.

"You're comfortable..."

The silver haired man chuckled and the sound reverberated through Iruka setting his alcohol addled nerves on fire. Brown eyes met mismatched grey and red and there was a moment of hesitance between the two men and then it seemed as if the whole world exploded. Lips met in an impassioned frenzy as both men tried to devour one another in the alleyway, hands began to grope and fondle seemingly uncaring that they were in public.

"You knocking that guy into next week was the hottest thing I have seen in ages."

"To much talk..."

"Ngh... Can't do this here..." The silver haired man groaned, writhing in Iruka's grip.

"Hotel... Across the road... Have room..."

No more words needed to be spoken.

Ten minutes later found both men in Iruka's hotel room practically ripping the clothes off one another. The tanned man took great pleasure as the pale expanse of skin was unveiled to him. He was sure that this was the alcohol talking but he hadn't gotten laid in _so_ long he really didn't care and let's face it he was never going to see this guy _ever again._ Iruka groaned as the silver haired man bit down on his nipple and bucked his hips.

"Hm... Like that?"

"Yes..." The brunette moaned.

"Let's see what else you like."

The man moved down Iruka's body licking and caressing, eliciting moans of pleasure from the brunette. Finally getting impatient Iruka shoved the pale man down onto the bed and straddled his waist, crashing their erections together. Both men let out a throaty groan as the friction built up between them, the silver haired man growled and grasped Iruka's hips flipping them over. The brunette was shocked; the man was strong for a civilian.

"I'm going to fuck you now." The voice was low and sultry and sent shudders down Iruka's spine.

Unable to utter a word Iruka simply nodded as the pale man slunk down his body, teasing and caressing. He blew across the numerous scars littering the tanned torso and raised a silver brow in question.

"Army?"

"Sort of..." Iruka choked out, as a hot mouth enveloped his cock.

The brunette groaned and thrust forward into the welcoming warmth, he wanted to just come right there and then but he restrained himself. The silver haired pulled away a smirk gracing his features before accosting Iruka once again. He relished the strangled gasps that he was ripping from the tanned mans throat, the noise fuelling the heady lust flowing through his body. This man was just so damned sexy and enticing and he just wanted to be buried in the tight looking body. He groped around in his discarded pants for the small tube of lubricant and pulled it out; popping the lid he slicked his fingers and began to probe the brunette's entrance.

Above him Iruka squirmed as a cool finger slid inside and gave a small grunt as the burning sensation of being stretched rippled through his body, it had been quite a while since his last time. The pale man slowed his movements and looked up at the brunette, loving the wanton look splayed across his scarred face.

"Are you ready for more?" he asked in all seriousness.

"Yes... Fuck, yes."

Iruka tried to impale himself on the finger as the finally brushed against his prostate sending shooting waves of pleasure through his over sensitized body. Silver hair hanging limply in his face the man complied and began inserting more fingers slowly stretching the passage. Finally unable to hold back the man withdrew his fingers, positioned his slicked cock at the entrance and pushed inside. Both men let out a breathy moan at the contact and Iruka felt his body begin to melt into the sensations. The man began to increase his pace thrusting quickly into Iruka, his cock hitting the brunette's prostate with every well aimed thrust and causing him to cry out in ecstasy. Eventually it was too much and Iruka came hard his entire body clenching with toe-curling pleasure, his bed fellow didn't last much longer and after a few jerky thrusts he came, shouting loudly.

The silver haired man collapsed on Iruka and the brunette just grunted as the blackness of unconsciousness began to slip in. He knew he would probably regret this in the morning but right now he was to sated and drunk to care.

~End Chapter Two~

A/N: Yay! At last... I wrote this last night on my night shift so I apologise if it sucks! I do however feel a WHOLE lot better now; I really needed to get that smut out of my system. Hopefully next chapter will have some _actual_ plot Dun dun dunnnnnn!

Next Chapter: Enter Hatake Kakashi, pervert, genius, jackass: In which Iruka experiences the morning after and all hell once again breaks loose.


	4. Enter Kakashi Hatake: Pervert, Genius, J

A/N: Oh my... An update... Run for your lives he world is about to end! I _may_ have accidentally turned up for work an hour and a half early and therefore decided to get some writing done whilst I waited to start my shift. Go me! So yeah love to everyone who has reviewed you guys are all awesome!

Warnings: Um... none for this chapter except some foul language. My, Iruka has such a potty mouth lol!

Cops and Robbers:

Chapter Three: Enter Kakashi Hatake, Pervert, Genius, Jackass!

The next morning Iruka woke unsurprisingly alone in his hotel room. His head was pounding like he'd been pummelled by Gai-sensei, his little doppleganger and Tsunade-sama all at the same time. His stomach was churning in the unpleasant way that meant he was probably going to lose what he'd managed to digest yesterday, which if he remembered rightly was nothing at all. _Great_... that meant he'd be spewing fucking bile all day just peachy. Cracking open a bloodshot eye Iruka instantly regretted it, the light pierced his skull with the intensity of one thousand laser beams and caused him to wince and have his eyes try and crawl back inside their own sockets.

"F...Fuck this shit."

He murmured as with the fortitude of an army he rolled himself of the bed onto shaky legs. Instantly the world tilted to the side and Iruka found himself once gain lying on the bed, face buried in the mattress. The brunette pulled himself up on to his elbows grimacing at just how weak he felt, when he spotted a small stain on the pristine sheet. and felt his face grow hot. Memories from the previous evening bombarded his mind and it was all Iruka could do to not bury his head into the pillows and scream.

Just _what the fuck_ had he been thinking the previous night?

Apparently not much other than being a horny teenager. Groaning he rubbed his aching temples, this was why he didn't drink (well other than the council mandate forbidding it but once again that's another story) he turned into some insane, hormone fuelled, mindless rebel.

But man it had been fun and the sex had been very _very_ good.

Flipping himself on his back Iruka stared up at the white ceiling and wondered what his bedfellow was up to right now. Probably nursing his own hangover and thinking about the mind-blowing sex he'd had the night before. At least the silver-haired man had had the courtesy to clean them both off before apparently just fucking off to his own life. The brunette couldn't explain why but the thought hurt somehow, they'd both just been using one another as an outlet so he couldn't understand why it bothered him. Maybe it was the residual effects of the alcohol, it always made him a tad more emotional than normal.

Once again deciding that moving was probably a good idea the sensei slowly raised himself into a sitting position, the cool morning air caressing his skin.

It was then that he saw it.

On the bedside cabinet was a folded note, confusion crossing his face the brunette picked it up allowing something to fall from inside the crease. Ignoring the discarded pieces of card Iruka unfolded the note and scanned the contents.

'**Hey there lover boy,**

**Really enjoyed our night together. Who knew such a mild looking guy was such a beast in bed. Those memories are gonna keep me warm for a while, along with my little keepsakes. Maybe next time we can take some Icha Icha inspiration. Hope you enjoy your presents, I know I will.**

The note was left unsigned and Iruka frowned deeply. Presents? Had the man been talking about the scraps of card that fell from inside the note. Slowly he reached down and plucked the pieces of card off the floor, only to realise that they weren't card at all they were polaroid photographs. Flipping over the photo Iruka felt his blood freeze in his veins before exploding through him in a torrent of rage, his hangover seemingly forgotten he screamed loud enough to wake the dead.

"THAT FUCKING PERVERTED ASSHOLE HOW DARE HE TAKE NAKED PHOTO'S OF ME!"

Anger and adrenalin fuelling his system Iruka managed to shake of the worst of his hangover and get himself ready for his assignment. He dressed himself in his smartest civilian clothing, a charcoal coloured suit with a snug fitting white shirt. He wanted to make a good impression on the people he was going to be working with (deceiving), it left them less likely to believe that he was dangerous. It was a tactic he used all the time at home, playing the role of the unassuming teacher certainly had it's perks and meant people tended to underestimate him.

Which quite often meant their downfall.

Dressed with a few non-metallic weapons carefully concealed, dosed up on pain relief and raring for someone to just _try_ something with him Iruka was ready for the off. He exited the hotel and quickly hailed a cab, the driver being a somewhat portly man in his early fifties. Iruka gave his destination and listened listlessly as the man droned on about how the 'city wasn't like it used to be' and the 'fucking bankers bankrupting society.' Eventually they came to a halt outside a large office building, 'Metropolitan Police' emblazoned across the front entrance. Paying the driver the brunette stepped out and brushed himself down, pulling a pair of reading glasses from his inside jacket pocket. They were fakes of course Iruka's eyesight was 20/20 but he often found they helped with the illusion he was trying to create. Taking a deep breath and attempting to relax himself a little he stepped through the revolving doors.

Inside the reception was clean cut and well maintained, the decorative sparkle of the granite adding an air of luxury. The brunette moved forward through the crowd of people milling about the area and made a beeline for the front desk. As he approached he adjusted his glasses in a seemingly nervous gesture and gave a small smile to the woman sat behind the desk. The woman who wasn't much older than he was flushed brightly and quickly ended the phone call she was engaged in.

"Hello there welcome to the metropolitan police head office. How can I help you today?"

"Ah yes, I was meant to be here yesterday but my escort didn't show up. My name is Iruka Umino I'm here to meet with the special crimes squad."

The receptionists brow furrowed as she furiously typed random amounts of information into her computer, after finding what she was looking for a frown crossed her features. She then proceeded to pick up the phone and rather angrily punch numbers into the panel. There was a few seconds of waiting and then...

"Special crimes squad, Wilson speaking."

"Hey Nikki, would you like to tell me just what exactly your boss is playing at?"

The receptionist frown deepened and her eyes narrowed dangerously, Iruka felt himself shudder but still held no sympathy for whoever this 'boss' was. They had after all completely forgotten about him and the fact that he was a _foreigner_ in this country, therefore completely lost in the maze that was London.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I have an Iruka Umino down here who that idiot was supposed to escort yesterday and _forgot_ about."

There was a choked sound of indignation down the receiver and when this 'Nikki' replied she sounded angry.

"He did _what!_ That utter moron I'm going to _kill_ him. Please apologise to Mr Umino and I'll be down in a minute with the boss, so he can apologise properly."

"Okay I'll see you both in a few."

Iruka chuckled under his breath feeling a perverse sense of accomplishment, the receptionist smiled sweetly and replaced the phone receiver.

"Ah... they'll be down in a moment."

"Thank you very much for your help."

The brunette smiled shyly causing the receptionist to blush and look away. Patiently he waited for his escorts to arrive and took in his surroundings. The ninja in him frowned deeply, just from this area he could already spot several points of weakness in the buildings defences. Honestly one should always be prepared for attack even in a time of relative peace, something Iruka had certainly learned from experience. Across the lobby the lift dinged signalling the arrival of his escorts, the doors slid open and out stepped a woman. She was tall and slim with cropped blonde hair and intelligent eyes. She was suited and booted in a smart black trouser suit that clung to her minimal curves and gave her a serious, professional look.

"Goddamn it Hatake get your backside out here now."

"Maa... Wilson, I don't see the point of greeting some foreign national who just happens to be 'helping' us on a case we don't need help on."

"We are not greeting him. _You_ are apologising for ditching him at the airport yesterday."

"I told you I was busy, not my fault you didn't arrange a replacement."

Wilson glared, her eyes glinting with menace. "There was no choice in the matter, it's _part of your job_ _description_ and you know it. And what were you busy with out getting drunk and screwing anything that moves again."

"So what if I was."

Utterly agrivated her right arm shot back into the lift and she dragged out the reluctant man.

A somewhat familiar looking man.

Iruka's eyes went wide as he observed the unlucky (but justified) recipient of the woman wrath. Even though the lower half of his face was covered there was no mistaking that hair or those eyes. Suddenly all the anger he'd been feeling earlier in the morning resurfaced and as the other man caught his eye he saw the shock in the mis-matched orbs.

Along with a healthy dose of fear.

"You!" Iruka roared and stomped toward the duo.

Wilson's eyes went wide as she took in the furious man moving toward her and subconscious moved her hand toward her gun holster. Beside her Hatake tensed and a distinct air of unease surrounded him. The brunette came face to face with the silver haired man and grabbed him by the collar, shaking him madly and hissing venomously in his ear.

"You perverted asshat! What the hell do you think you're playing at! You leave me hungover to hell with your 'presents' and upon meeting you again you expect me _not _ to want to skin you alive."

Iruka's voice was low so that only the other man and his female aid could hear and was tinted was a smooth, dangerous lilt. Sensing that the brunette wasn't trying to kill her at the very least she dropped her hand to the side and watched the chaos unfold.

"Then I find out you're responsible for a large percent of my fucking shitty day yesterday, which doen't endear you to my graces at all."

The silver haired man had gone slightly green and was gaping like a dying fish. Well that's what Iruka assumed, he couldn't really make out much of an expression under the surgical mask the man was wearing.

"Um... Well... You see..."

With a ruthless smile Iruka waved the other man off "It's a good job I'm such a professional, it doesn't do well to injure your co-workers."

Wilson smirked knowing the show was over and extended her hand to the brunette.

"DI Nikki Wilson, nice to meet you. This idiot is DCI Kakashi Hatake, Leader of the special crimes squad."

Iruka took the pro-offered hand and shook it heartily.

"Iruka Umino, escapoligst and young offender specialist, at your service."

"Good to have you here Umino, I have a feeling you'll fit in just fine."

~End Chapter Three~

A/N: Booyah finished! Can't believe I was that moronic *eye roll* I know Kakashi was kinda goofy in this chapter but he'll show his true colours in chapters to come. I just enjoyed the opportunity to write him as the clown, I don't do it all that often ^_^.


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